How to Conquer Your Fears & Discover Yourself

Posted on 12 February, 2018 by Fadwa A.Soliman in Personal Development

How to Conquer Your Fears & Discover Yourself, Let’s look at some of your desires right now. Take out a pen and a piece of paper and write down your top three desires.

Let’s say that these are your three desires:

  1. To lose 40 pounds
  2. To start your own business.
  3. To improve your credit score.

Now, let’s look at each of these desires in detail. Remember, you are going to substitute your own desires for these three made-up ones.


  1. To lose 40 pounds (or whatever your personal desire is)

Now, ask yourself why you want to achieve that goal. Suppose your answer is something like “so I can get married and have children.”

So, your desire isn’t actually to lose 40 pounds. Your desire is to get married and have children, but there is a fear embedded in there – the fear that unless you lose this weight, you aren’t going to be attractive enough to find a mate.

So, number one, you have to replace the desire that you thought you had with the real desire. Second, you need to conquer any fears that you have that are going to keep you from achieving that desire. Unless you do this, you are always going to have a huge barrier between you and reaching your goal.

In the case of the second and third desires, you might ask why it is that you want to start your own business. If you want to be your own boss and have more freedom that’s a valid reason to have that desire. If you are doing it because you hate your job, then you actually need to decide if you need to start your own business or if you just need a new job.

Finally, with the third desire, let’s suppose that the reason behind you wanting to improve your credit score is that you want to buy a house. So, your desire is actually to own a house, not necessarily improve your credit score.


Exercise 1.1:

Make a list of three to five desires that you think you want. Then, examine each one carefully and make sure that it is a desire that you really want or if it a desire that you have replaced the real one with because of a fear. If that is the case, write the real desire next to the false one. These are called your “core desires.


Next, you are going to make a list of any fears that you think will keep you from reaching those core desires. Don’t worry about overcoming those fears right now. Just be aware of them.


Here are some additional ways to find your core desires if you are having trouble.

  1. Look at your friends, family, and other heroes: Do you find yourself looking up to a certain person or people in your life? If so, make a list of some qualities that they have that you would like to have as your own qualities.
  2. Examine your jealousy: If you are jealous of a quality that someone else has, it means that you would like to have that quality (or that tangible item) but you have fears in the way that are keeping you from realistically considering it.
  3. Think of some of the things that you think you would never be able to do or be: These are things that if someone suggested that you do them you would say something like “I could never do that.” Obviously, this is intended for things like running a marathon rather than something that you definitely shouldn’t do – like robbing a bank.
  4. Reverse Project Problem Areas: Take a look at some things that bother you about other people and examine it closely to see if it is something that you are projecting on others because you wish it was true about yourself. We, humans, do this quite a lot. For example, if you are always upset with your friends because they are too messy, perhaps what you are really upset about is that you wish you were neater yourself. This isn’t always the case, of course, but it is worth taking a look at.

Stop Your Forward Momentum: Someone who hasn’t clearly defined their desires shouldn’t be moving forward. It is like getting in your car and starting to drive before you have chosen a destination. You could run out of gas and be all the way on the other side of town before you have chosen your actual destination. Don’t work towards your goals unless you are 100% sure you know what they are.


Check out the series from the beginning

1- How to Clearly Define Your Desires